It was one of those days. Everything was going wrong, I thought. The children were both sick and fussy, the work was piling up, and I wasn’t feeling the best myself.
I had spent most of the night comforting my son in vain, while I prayed that he’d settle and sleep for a few hours.
I was exhausted, physically and emotionally. It felt like God wasn’t really listening – He definitely wasn’t answering my prayer. Feelings of anger and frustration boiled up inside of me. God knew I needed my sleep too. God knew I was half sick myself. Why wasn’t He answering my prayer?
When life brings circumstances such as these, I naturally point fingers at God. It’s almost like I take Him by the throat and shake him. I get angry because He isn’t doing anything to “make it better”.
Ridiculous, you say. And you’re right. It is terrible. After all, who am I to order God around?
As I thought about my attitude toward God and what steps I should take to actively change it, I came across a verse.
1Sa 12:24 Only fear the LORD, and serve him in truth with all your heart: for consider how great things he hath done for you.
The last part of the verse especially convicted me.
God has done so much for me in the past. He has extended His mercy and love to me in so many ways. But here I am – pointing my fingers at Him and accusing Him of not caring, not listening, not answering my prayer.
It is only by the grace and mercy of God that I am where I am today. I could be in a thousand different situations. Literally.
How can I forget what I’ve been saved from?
A few years ago, as I was sitting in a counselor’s office with my husband-to-be, the counselor looked up from across his desk after hearing only a fraction of my story, and asked, “Why aren’t you a prostitute?”
I should be exactly opposite of who I am today. Statistically, with a history of abuse and self-destructive habits as I have, I should be a prostitute or a single mom with four kids to four different men.
If it wasn’t for the grace and mercy of God Almighty, that is who I would be today.
But I’m not. Instead, I am married to an amazing man of God. I love being his wife. I enjoy being a mom to his children, (most days J, even though I’ll quickly admit that it’s the toughest responsibility God has handed me so far). I love the community and church we are a part of.
And slowly, God is reshaping my view of Him and myself.
After only a few minutes of considering God and the great things He has done in my life, I repented of the ungrateful spirit that was causing me to question the goodness and sovereignty of God.
When I really take time to consider my life, I can see His fingerprints all over it.
My friend, you have a unique story too. God has a plan for you. Not an evil plan, but a good plan. Take heart. Consider the great things God has done for you in the past. And then trust Him for the future.
Remember that someday, whether it’s here or in Glory, you will look back and see His fingerprints in your life.