Sometimes

Sometimes I wonder who I was

Before my heart was crushed

By selfish men who stole from me

And bade me to be hushed.

Sometimes I wonder how it’d feel

To remember growing up.

To have never felt like I’m no good

Or just a dirty cup.

Sometimes I wonder why it happened –

Was I born “bad?”

Does Jesus really love me?

And did this make Him sad?

Sometimes I wonder if it’s safe to trust

ANYONE – how can I know for sure

That I will never again be

A little girl on a cold, hard floor?

Sometimes I wonder why I survived

The terror, pain, and grief

I tried hard to simply forget

But my soul found no relief.

Sometimes I wonder who I’d be today

If I had never known

How it feels to be powerless

And utterly alone.

Sometimes I wonder if they are

Still hurting girls today

I wish I really knew for sure

That everything’s okay.

Sometimes I wish that I could

Look them in the eye

And tell them “I forgive; Please –

Repent before you die.”

Sometimes I wish that I would

Have never been abused.

But then I remember-

My pain, by God, is being used.

                                                                                                       Written by Ann Detweiler

                                                                                          January 24, 2017

* This poem is dedicated to all the little girls and boys who can relate first-hand to the inner turmoil and conflicting emotions that abuse brings.  May God heal you and give you a purpose for your pain.