The Fruit of a Repentant Heart

I have no idea where your mind goes when you think of repentance.  Maybe you think about a confession, or the words “I’m sorry.”  Maybe you think about King David and his repentance.

Most of us think of repentance as an apology or confession, with a promise to not offend again.  The offender is given the benefit of the doubt and the time needed to “prove” his/her repentance.  Even in cases where there has been serious sexual sin/crimes committed against women and children, repentance is painted as a vague confession with a promise to do better.

But is this really what repentance is and how it works? 

Going straight to the Bible for the definition opened my eyes to the reality that my understanding of repentance was, at best, flawed.

The Biblical definition of repentance comes from a Greek word that means “to think differently”.  It is a change of mind and heart.  In other words, when repentance happens, it will be obvious.  It is a heart change that is expressed by actions.  Luke 3:8 makes this very clear: “Therefore, produce fruit that is worthy of [and consistent with your] repentance [that is, live changed lives, turn from sin and seek God and His righteousness].”

Anyone can articulate a well-worded apology, never offend again, and still be unrepentant.  On the contrary, when repentance has taken place, everyone will know – the attitudes, thought process, and actions of the offender will be radically different than before.

Consider the story of the Prodical Son in Luke 15.  After he found himself with nothing to eat, he remembered his father’s house.  Listen to his thought process here: 

And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee, And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.

Sounds pretty good, right?  But is he repentant or is he simply going back because he got “stuck”? Is he remorseful because he sinned, or because he doesn’t have any food? 

Listen to what he actually tells his father upon meeting him: 

And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.

Do you see the difference?  He acknowledges his sin without demanding anything in return. He has hit “rock bottom” and does not even ask to be a hired servant so he can at least have food.  He just says, “I’m sorry. I have sinned.” 

We all love redemption stories.  We want to hear how God turns lives around and makes something beautiful out of the ugly.  But in some cases, we overlook the fact that repentance is different than an apology.  We prefer a fast “fix” and as little messiness as possible.  Consequently, we don’t look for fruits of repentance. 

Can we know if someone is repentant by how they act when confronted with sin?  Can we know if an offender has godly sorrow?  

I think there are some clues as to where the offender’s heart is if we are willing to look for the fruits of repentance.  Here are a few of them:

Complete Acknowledgment of Sin

One of the most important aspects about repentance is truth.  The truth must be told in its entirety.  Unless there is full acknowledgment of sin and wrongdoing, there is no repentance.

No Excuses

Along with the acknowledgment of sin, there must be no excuses for why the offender sinned. If the offender’s confession has excuses in it, it is questionable whether the confession is genuine or if the it was only done to “save face”.

No Minimization of the Action or Damage the Action Caused

Any kind of minimization should give us a bunch of red flags.  When the offender says things like, “What I did made him/her feel hurt…” that is minimizing the damage.  The survivor doesn’t just feel hurt; they were hurt.  If a sexual offender describes his/her sin using terms such as “moral failure” instead of “I raped her” or “I molested him”, there is a problem. Repentance never sugar-coats truth.

Acceptance of all Consequences (including civil consequences)

If the offender isn’t willing to accept consequences for the sin, then there likely hasn’t been repentance.  Repentance understands the “sowing and reaping” principle.  An offender who “confesses” but is not willing to pay the consequences of his/her sin, is not repentant.  Repentance is far more than a well-worded apology.  A repentant offender will willingly turn himself/herself in to civil authorities for the crimes committed.

No Forced “Forgiveness” or a “Get over it” Attitude

If an offender tries to “make everything all better” by begging or forcing the survivor, the survivor’s family or their church family to “forgive” (which is often used by offenders to get people to “shut up” and forget), it’s safe to assume there hasn’t been repentance.  A repentant offender understands the depravity of his/her own heart and the damage his/her actions caused – enough to realized he/she doesn’t deserve forgiveness or mercy.

By the way, the survivor’s forgiveness doesn’t wipe consequences away for the offender. But that subject is for another day.

Respectful Obedience of the Boundaries set up by the Offended

A repentant heart will welcome boundaries and respect them.  Repentance says, “I hurt you deeply and I understand why you can’t trust me.  If you never want to see me again, I understand.  If you need space, I get that.”  When an offender violates even small boundaries set up by the survivor, their “repentance” needs to be questioned.

Attitude of “Godly Sorrow”

Any time there’s repentance, there will always be Godly sorrow.  There’s a big difference between being sorry because you got caught OR being sorry because of the pain you’ve caused the offended and your own family.  An offender who has godly sorrow grieves for the hurt and pain that he/she caused, while a sorrow of being caught is focused on escaping consequences and polishing a fasade of godliness.

In repentance, the truth about the action and the pain that action caused is held up and valued highly.  Truth is key.  In unrepentance, truth is discouraged and even actively hidden.  When there is deception instead of truth, repentance hasn’t taken place.  When there is an effort to “make” the offended forgive or trust the offender, the “repentance” of the offender needs to be questioned.  When an effort is made to keep a good “Christian” reputation intact, there has not been repentance.  Repentance kicks self-preservation in the face. When there is no acceptance of consequences and boundaries, the fruits of repentance are not there. 

”By their fruits, ye shall know them,” Jesus once said.

In other words, when there is repentance, you will know it.

It’s that simple.

 

Note: If you wish to study Repentance for yourself, compare Saul’s confession with David’s confession. Ask yourself why God accepted David’s and not Sauls.  

“For The Time Is Come…”

I have been vocal about sexual abuse in the Anabaptist church for over two years now.  Maybe you’re wondering why I don’t talk about abuse in the public-school system, the foster care system, or the Catholic Church.  Why do I focus so much on sexual abuse in the Anabaptist church?  Does abuse in other institutions not matter to me?  Am I trying to make the church look bad?

Contrary to what you may think, I love “my people.”  I love the Anabaptist church.  And that is why I will not stop talking about sexual abuse.  You may think I’m exaggerating by referring to sexual abuse as an “epidemic”. But Anabaptist counseling centers across the country tell me I’m not.  They put the stats even higher than the regular sexual abuse statistics, which say that 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys will be sexually abused by their 18th birthday. (See those statistics here.)

The abuse that happens in other institutions and cultures does matter to me.  However, the biggest reason for my targeting of the Anabaptist church has to do with our commitment to follow the Word of God. We say we take the Bible literally and that we follow it.  But when it comes to sexual abuse, we have greatly misrepresented God and His heart.

Photo credits and website

I fear we have separated the Bible and the Holy Spirit. To understand the Bible, we must have the Holy Spirit.  Because we shy away from the doctrine and work of the Holy Spirit, we are not able to identify the hypocrisy in the lives of perpetrators whom we called “brothers and sisters” in our church.  They look good on the outside, but on the inside, there is nothing but “dead man’s bones”.  Jesus said we will know if a person is right with God by their fruit.  But according to us, if someone obeys the church rules, they’re okay.

Our hearts can be full of sin and we can still “look good” on the outside.  “Looking good” does us no good if our heart is not right before God.  You see, “hypocrisy” is not saying one thing and doing something different.  The Greek meaning of the word “hypocrite” as Jesus used it, is actor.  An actor plays a part.  In other words, a hypocrite acts like a Christian, but the “Christian” part is only skin deep.  Hypocrites are super good actors.  They know how to create and maintain a “good name”.  They are smooth talkers who know all the right stuff to say in devotions and Sunday School.

But underneath the facade of godliness, is a heart full of deceit and evil.  And that façade has caught up with us.

If you’ve been following the news recently, you’ve heard about the abuse in the Catholic Church.  The PA Attorney General was instrumental in releasing a report from the Catholic Church’s own records that details the horrific abuse of over 1,000 children by 301 priests – and the whole epidemic was covered up by the church.

The Anabaptist church is next.  The amount of abuse and its cover-up by the church is far worse than the Catholic Church.  It is going to shake the entire Anabaptist community, and it should.  We have been good actors.  We’ve covered up abuse, because no one was watching – or so we thought.

But there was Someone watching.  He is watching. These are His words: “For there is nothing hidden which will not be revealed, nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light.” Mark 4:22

All through the Bible, God promises the exposure of sin.  He sees it, and in His time, He exposes it. He told the children of Israel to be blameless, then added: “But if you do not do so, then take note, you have sinned against the LORD; and be sure your sin will find you out.”

In Eph. 5:11, God comes down hard on people who know of evil, but choose to hide it.  “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.”  In other words, we take part in the unfruitful works of darkness when we do not expose evil.

If we had any idea what God thinks of abuse, we would fall on our faces and beg for His mercy.  If we understood how God fights for the weak and the hurting, we would be shaking with fear.

Jesus is coming soon, and He is not coming for a beat up, unclean Bride.  The exposure of sexual abuse we are about to witness is nothing other than God cleansing His church of evil.  He is judging the house of God.  We must not fight it. “For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God?” 2 Peter 4:17

We must repent.  We must acknowledge our iniquity without excuse and without minimization.  Part of repentance includes accepting the consequences of our sin, even if it means going to jail.  What is a jail sentence compared to eternal Hell?  It’s nothing.  And by the way, going to jail for covering up abuse is not suffering for Christ.  It is God’s judgement for not following His Word. 

Don’t talk to me about the fall-out.  The fall-out happened when innocent children were overpowered and used for the unnatural, evil desires of the perpetrators.  The fall-out deepened when we, the church, chose not to get the civil authorities, also known as the “ministers of God” in Romans 13, involved in the punishment of evildoers.  By resisting their God-ordained authority to punish evil doers, we have resisted God.

No one, not even the Anabaptist church, is above the law of the civil government.   When we obstruct the justice of God, we will face that same judgement. If we do good, we have nothing to fear.  If we do evil, we will be afraid, for the sword is not carried in vain. (Romans 13:1-5)

Jesus told the Pharisees in Matthew 23: 23-28: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you tithe mint and dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law, justice and mercy and faith; these you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel! Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you cleanse the outside of the cup and of the plate, but inside they are full of extortion and rapacity. You blind Pharisee! first cleanse the inside of the cup and of the plate, that the outside also may be clean.  Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.  So you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but within you are full of hypocrisy and iniquity.”

I can’t help but wonder if that is what Jesus would say to us today.  We deserve to be punished.  We deserve to be “brought low.”  We have sinned.

We can choose to fight God by fighting the civil authority He has set in place.  Or, we can cooperate with God by cooperating with them.   We can repent.  We can change our culture from being church authority based to being rooted on the Word of God and the Holy Spirit.  We can change our culture from an emphasis on “looking right” to “being right” with God.

But it starts with you. It starts with me.

May God open our blind eyes and clean our hard, dirty hearts.

 

A Biblical Response to Sexual Abuse in the Anabaptist Church – Part 1

Relating to Perpetrators

I am shocked at the manner in which many Anabaptist churches are dealing with sexual abuse and the perpetrators.

I do not wish to point fingers at any particular church or church group.  I do not wish to stir up strife.  I do not wish to see divisions among people and church groups.  I do not wish to make people angry at God or the church.

But I am saddened and concerned.  Very concerned. Concerned enough to write this.

We need to start paying attention to what is actually going on in our churches.  We need to understand what sexual abuse is, and then act on Biblical principles with a compassionate and loving spirit.

What the church needs to understand about sexual abuse:

1. Sexual abuse is a sin.

This is obvious to most people.  Yet, some churches aren’t calling it that.  Why do I say that?  Because they aren’t dealing with it on a sin level.  In the case of sexual sin, excommunication is commanded (1 Corinthians 5:11-13).   How churches and their leaders can somehow get around this explicit command is something I simply do not understand.

There is something terribly wrong when a church cares more about what color of cars they drive or whether or not the beard is worn than it does about sexual sin in the lives of its members.  Even the world calls sexual abuse evil and wicked.  Why can’t we?

2. Sexual abuse is, in most cases, an addiction.

Most people don’t realize that a perpetrator rarely stops with “just one” victim.  Often, it becomes a lifelong spiral of sin and shame that starts because of pornography or childhood abuse that was never dealt with.  If the church would realize that sexual abuse often stems from sexual addiction, it would change the way abuse is dealt with.

Too many times, the perpetrator is told to “apologize” for their sin.  Supposedly, an apology is all that is needed to redeem the situation.  It is supposed to “take care of it.”

Photo: http://www.goodfon.su

Think about it:  It’s like telling an alcoholic to stand up in church and apologize for drinking.  Do you really think that man won’t touch another drink again?  Probably not.  Not unless he has had a true heart change and has been healed from his addiction by Jesus.

What the alcoholic really needs is a community of people to rise up and help him work through whatever is driving his addiction.  He needs time away from alcohol.  He needs Jesus.

In the same way, sexual addicts who abuse children need to be away from children.  If they are raping women, they need to be away from women. If they are abusing boys, they need to be away from boys.  They need time to work through the pain that is driving their addiction.  I’m sorry; but an apology for sexual abuse is not the only thing that is needed.  Sexual addicts need Jesus and a community of believers who want to help them overcome by the power of Jesus Christ.

3. Sexual abuse is a crime.

Yes, it is.  Sexual abuse is a violent crime, and it needs to be treated as such.  If a person we loved was murdered, we would report it in a heartbeat.  But if a person’s spirit is murdered (and yes, it really is that serious), we somehow think it doesn’t call for such drastic measures.

I don’t know of any place in the Bible that indicates that we are not supposed to report evil such as sexual abuse. According to 1 Corinthians 6, suing and taking our brother to court is unscriptural. But the Bible is clear: a brother or sister in Christ will not be sexual predator (Eph. 5:5).  True, they might be a “brother or sister in the church” but they are not a brother or sister in the Church of Jesus Christ.

Repeatedly throughout the New Testament, we are told to obey the government. They’re actually called “ministers of God”.  Their calling is to execute judgement on the evildoers (Romans 13:1-5 and 1 Peter 2:13-15).  If we do evil, we are to expect judgement.

Ephesians 5 gives us instruction concerning sexual abuse: “Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people. You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God…Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him.  Don’t participate in the things these people do. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them.” (vs.3, 5-7, and 11) NLT

Some people use Matthew 18 as an excuse to “hide” sexual abuse from the authorities.  They say, “I can’t report abuse because I believe in forgiveness.”  Or, worse yet, sometimes “forgiveness” gets pushed on the victims by the church or perpetrator in order to keep the abuse hidden.  “You just need to forgive,” they say.

I’m all for forgiveness.  Seriously.  I know of no other way to heal from sexual abuse.  

But forgiveness does not erase physical consequences for sin.  The Bible is clear: we reap what we sow.

Think about David, the man after God’s own heart.  He committed sexual sin, and though God forgave him, he still paid dearly for it.  The child that was born to David and Bathsheba died.  And his sons became involved in all kinds of immorality including rape and incest.

Another example to think about is the thief who was crucified beside Jesus.  Jesus forgave him, but Jesus’ forgiveness didn’t erase the consequences of the thief’s sin.  The thief still died for his crimes.  When Jesus forgave him, the eternal consequences were forgiven, but not the physical consequences.

I believe that you can forgive and still report abuse.  I don’t think it’s a contradiction at all. But, reporting sexual abuse should NEVER be done as a way to get revenge.  Rather, it should be done because (1) the Bible commands us to obey the government and (2) to protect the vulnerable and innocent among us.  

So what should the church’s response be to sexual abuse?

1. Excommunication

The Bible is very clear that no sexual sin will enter the kingdom of heaven (Eph. 5:5, Heb. 13:4, Rev. 21:8). Excommunication for sexual sin is commanded in 1 Corinthians 5.  In a sense, when a person commits sexual sin, they are “excommunicating” themselves from the fellowship of the church and of God.  Why?  Because sin separates us from God.

Excommunication should be carried out with the purpose of saving the person’s soul from eternal punishment.  The goal of excommunication is restoration to Christ and the church.  Therefore, it must be done with love.

2. The incident must be reported.

The Bible commands obedience to the laws the government has set up (Romans 13:1-5 and 1 Peter 2:13-15).  Reporting abuse is the law of the country in which we live. According to Romans 13:1-2, disobedience to the government laws results in damnation. That is strong language.  God does not deal kindly with those who “cover” sexual abuse.  Refusing to report evil is taking part in that evil (Eph. 5:11).

The epidemic that we are facing today, is, in part, a result of refusing to admit and report for the sake of business, church, or family image.  I ask you to honestly check your motives for refusing to expose evil.  Most of the time it is because we care more about “looking good” than we do about obeying God.

3. Rally around the perpetrator and the perpetrator’s family.

What do I mean by this?  Don’t let the perpetrator “rot” in jail.  Visit them often.  Make sure their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs are being met.  They need time to process life.  They need a counselor or someone who is willingly to lead them to Jesus.  They need accountability in prison.  They need people who will care about their heart.  They need to know that they is loved in spite of their actions.

The perpetrator’s family also needs the same kind of loving care.  We must not “leave them in the dust.”  Likely, they’ll need financial help.  Be involved in their lives.  Take the little boys fishing or hunting.  Make them “family.”  Don’t push them away because of their family member’s sin.  Speak life to them.  Genuinely care about the spouse that is “caught in the middle.”  Tell them it’s okay to miss their spouse.  Don’t let the situation change your friendship. Take the family to visit their loved one in prison.  Be there for them.  Be Jesus to them.

4. The focus needs to be on repentance and restoration of relationship with God.

Excommunication without love will do no good.  Reporting crimes without compassion for a perpetrator’s soul will do no good.

We must remember: the goal is repentance and healing in Jesus Christ – repentance for sin and healing from sexual addiction and the pain that is driving it.  Any other goal will not be successful in helping reduce the abuse rates in our circles and protecting the vulnerable and innocent.

A community who is the hands and feet of Jesus is key to these sticky situations.  A community of believers who, like Jesus, is passionate about caring for the hearts of the hurting.

What if the church would operate like this?  What if sexual abuse would be dealt with on a sin level?  What if it would be dealt with on an addiction level?  What if it would be dealt with on a crime level?  What if, in all of this, the perpetrator would experience the love of God through the response of the church community? 

Do you want to know what I think?

I think it would change everything.

I think we’d have people knocking on our doors, wanting freedom from the sexual bondage that is driving them to abuse children.  I think they’d even turn themselves in to the police.  Why? Because they would know they’d be loved in spite of what they did.

Pushing abuse “under the rug” as many Anabaptist churches have been doing for the past century is anything but love.  Love doesn’t refuse to help someone find freedom and healing from sin and shame.  Love doesn’t refuse to expose sin because of an image or reputation it wants to protect.  Love doesn’t stand around and let a person go to hell.

What scares me the most about all of this is that there are “good” church members who are going straight to hell because of other “good” church members refusing to love them enough to excommunicate, report, and help them find healing. 

I ask you: Is the blood of the perpetrators and the victims on our hands?

Only God knows.

But one thing I am sure of.  Jesus is the answer to this mess. 

And you and I are His hands and feet.  Let’s start working.  Because we have a lot of work to do.